


They don't have trees to hang upon

by voices_in_my_head



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 52 weeks challenge, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 04:06:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7875556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voices_in_my_head/pseuds/voices_in_my_head
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"“You’re not paying attention,” Luke said, but not in an accusing tone. He’d stopped and he was standing with the stick poised like a walking one. He was looking attentively at Jace, like he was trying to figure out what was going on in his mind, but there was no judgment there. Just curiosity and perhaps even concern. It had been a while since someone out of his family had looked at him and didn’t seem to be wondering how long it would be before he back stabbed them."</p>
            </blockquote>





	They don't have trees to hang upon

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt for this week was: a story about loneliness. Not sure I really followed it (huge surprise) but here we go. Talk to me about this fantastic show.

_“The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.”_

_Anonymous_

People kept asking Jace if he was okay. They kept wanting to know what had happened in the boat, what had Valentine done, the things he’d said, who he really was.

The only people who didn’t ask questions were Maryse and Robert. Jace thought Maryse kept her distance out of guilt, out of remembering how she had once been one of Valentine’s most loyal followers, and Robert because he too wanted to pretend nothing had happened and the look he sent Jace’s way sometimes told him that he understood that as much as Jace hated him, there was still a part of him that wanted to follow him.

Not his crazy ideas of world domination. But some things he said… they did need more Shadowhunters, they did need to control demons… if Valentine had gone about it the right way and of course, if he wasn’t a giant dick who’d raised him under a fake persona and almost let him fall in love with his sister, Jace would have probably never left the boat.

Jace was just trying to live one day at a time, train every day as hard as he could to make sure that the next time he fought Valentine, he would not escape just because the other man had let him. Meanwhile plans were being made all around him.

Jace wondered if Valentine saw the irony in his plans. He’d wanted to push the Downworlders from the Shadowhunters as apart as he could, but instead they’d gotten closer. Magnus and Luke had become recurrent presences in the Institute, trying to help in any way they could and even Raphael was known to sometimes show up, though there was still some tension between him and everyone that had helped Camille escape. He especially never talked to Simon.

Jace had stopped showing up for all the meetings after the third one. They just went around in circles. “We need to stop Valentine.” “How?” And then someone tried to come up with a plan and then another someone would tear apart that plan with everything that could go wrong even though in their profession there was never a bullet proof plan.

The miraculous plan wasn’t going to come from Jace’s mind and he knew it. He’d gone to Valentine because he needed to save his friends, his family, and he’d found out everything he could about his plans and retold it to everyone in the Institute. In the end, he hadn’t even found out that much. It wasn’t like Valentine was hiding his intentions of riding the world of Downworlders, or perhaps turning a few special ones into slaves, they just needed to find exactly where he was and take him out.

Jace kept punching the punching bag, like it had personally done something wrong to him. Shadowhunters were taught that emotions were a nuisance, but they were also thought that if they were there, then the best way to get rid of them was through aggression. Usually against demons, but when there weren’t any around…

“You okay?” The voice only sounded when Jace had almost gone over the limit, and he had no idea how long Luke had been there because Jace had seen him enter the meeting and they never went on for less than two hours.

“Don’t I look okay?” Jace asked turning back to him and saw Luke leaning against the door.

The werewolf raised an eyebrow. “No.”

Jace gave an empty laugh. “Guess you can hear when I’m lying, right?”

“That and I’m not blind.”

Jace didn’t know how to answer that, so he turned back to the punching bag, expecting that to be it and for Luke to leave. It wasn’t like the two of them were friends. Jace liked the guy, he was nice and he kept the werewolves in line and helped whenever he could, but he was also the guy that had helped raise his sister and was in love with his mother, the one that Jace had made sure to never meet alone.

“Do you want to spar?” Luke’s voice brought him back from his wanderings and Jace turned to him surprised. Luke smiled, showing off his canines and Jace felt a spike of adrenaline going through him. It didn’t matter that he knew Luke would never hurt him, when someone, anyone, looked at him like that his first instinct was to close the outside and get ready for a fight. “I used to be a Shadowhunter, remember? I know how you guys fight.”

“That was twenty years ago, old man. We’ve learnt some new tricks,” Jace replied in a camaraderie way, not really thinking his words might be insulting until Luke laughed. He simply wasn’t used to being around older man that weren’t respectable Shadowhunters that just wanted to thank him for being a good soldier and be on their way. With Robert things had always been different and he’d joked around a lot; he hadn’t realized he felt just as comfortable in Luke’s presence.

“I’ve learnt some new tricks too,” Luke said and walked slowly into the practice room, going to get a stick, and weighting it slowly. He turned to Jace with a challenging look, “and if you make a joke about teaching an old dog, new tricks I won’t even give you the chance to walk away with your pride intact.”

Jace smiled at the ultimatum, going to get his own stick. The only people he’d practiced with since he’d been back were Izzie and Alec. With Izzie sooner or later it turned into talking or showing off and with Alec they knew each other too well for it to ever end quickly.

He’d been looking for someone new for a while but he hadn’t seen Maryse and Robert in the weapons’ room for anything that didn’t involve talking or simply watching in years and the other Shadowhunters were keeping their distance. Lydia might have accepted and she would definitely not have gone at it lightly but she was always busy and Jace didn’t want to call her from her job.

“Let’s do this,” Jace said with a smirk, feeling like himself in a way he hadn’t in days.

Luke just nodded and turned serious. There was something in the air that hadn’t been there before, like sparks just waiting for some fire to ignite. It felt like the moment before a fight, a real one, the one where you could live just as easily as die and even though Jace knew neither of them would ever let it get to that point, he couldn’t pretend to himself he hadn’t missed the feeling.

Luke circled him with long steps and Jace couldn’t look away from him, how graceful he was. He could see the Shadowhunter in him, but he could also see the wolf, and Jace tried his best to put all thoughts away when he was fighting but he couldn’t help and wonder at how Valentine had been capable to throw this man away, who could have turned out to be his best warrior, while at the same time being sure that that had been exactly why Valentine had dismissed him so easily and why he was trying so hard so kill all Downworlders; because in some ways they were better than them. And the Angel help all Shadowhunters when they finally got sick of being treated below dirt.

Luke got the first strike in and sent him a look, clearly noticing he wasn’t giving his full attention to the fight and with a nod to himself and to Luke, Jace closed off his brain. He could think of that later.

Truth be told, no matter how graceful Luke looked, Jace hadn’t expected for them to be so evenly matched, but the fact was that he got struck as many times as he was able to strike.

Luke didn’t attack mindlessly. He had a good tactic mind that was only helped by fantastic fighting manoeuvres. It had been while since Jace had had to put so much thought into fighting and it was only when he’d been brought to the floor a second time that he realized that the last time had been fighting Valentine, when the man had decided on some “bonding time” and had thrown him a stick to fight.

Valentine, however, had mocked and riled until Jace could only see blood in front of his eyes and of course, lost focus and lost. Valentine, Jace realized, had never seen him as a challenge, while Luke did. He never focused on anything else but Jace, his body and the stick.

Jace wondered if he always did that or if the wolf part simply couldn’t turn off the instinct to fight Shadowhunters. Jace didn’t even have to wonder twice that if that was the case, Luke was making sure that the wolf didn’t get the best of him and Jace was surprised by the trust he put into the other man. Usually it took him longer to trust people, especially when they weren’t family, but there was just something about Luke that made you want to trust him and perhaps even make him proud and wasn’t that a strange feeling.

“You’re not paying attention,” Luke said, but not in an accusing tone. He’d stopped and he was standing with the stick poised like a walking one. He was looking attentively at Jace, like he was trying to figure out what was going on in his mind, but there was no judgment there. Just curiosity and perhaps even concern. It had been a while since someone out of his family had looked at him and didn’t seem to be wondering how long it would be before he back stabbed them.

Jace thought about all the things he wanted to say. In the end, for reasons unknown, what he ended up with was, “part of me wanted to follow Valentine.”

Luke made a sound, to make him to continue talking, but he still didn’t look judging. He didn’t look surprised either.

“We need more power to stop demons. They keep coming and we keep dying. If... if he’d tried to get that through another way, I probably would have stayed.”

“He did,” Luke started and Jace looked at him surprised and also confused. “In the beginning, he did do things another way. He didn’t just start by saying, “let’s kill all Downworlders and get more Shadowhunters no matter the consequences.” He started by saying just that, how we were dying and it wasn’t fair. Then came the distrust of the Clave, of the Shadowhunters and suddenly the Nephilim were like gods, the humans were silly creatures to be saved and the Downworlders didn’t deserve to live.

“I didn’t have any love for Downworlders but I followed the Clave. As long as they followed the law, then there was no need to kill them. It was Jocelyn that talked otherwise. She had a warlock as a teacher, Ragnor Fell, and he’d always been kind to her, had answered every question she had, was always there whenever she wanted to talk. She also had a Fae friend. I told her that just because one of them was nice, it didn’t mean all of them were. She said, according to that logic, then looking at what Shadowhunters had been doing to Downworlders for centuries, there was no reason for them to trust us either.”

Luke made a pause and Jace sensed he was back in that moment. He didn’t make any sound, just waited in silence, wanting to know more.

“Valentine... he was charismatic and he said the things that we all wanted to hear. That he was going to make us strong again, make sure we didn’t just win some fights here and there, but actually won the war. It was...” Luke shrugged, “easy to follow him.”

“Then why did you stop?” Jace couldn’t help but to ask him, and he knew partly he wanted the answer for himself.

“I got turned in a werewolf. Don’t get me wrong, I was... angry, revolted, sad... I have no idea how I didn’t explode from so many different emotions. I also didn’t think my life was worth living. Not as... as someone below human. My angel blood had been turned into demon blood and that was the worst thing that could ever happen, even worse than death.”

“Was it Jocelyn that showed you otherwise?” Jace asked, starting to see a pattern and feeling his stomach wanting to eat itself.

“In the beginning, yes. But Jace, the only person that can make you want to live, it’s you. And I had to learn that I wasn’t a monster; that being a werewolf was just as worthy as being a Shadowhunter.

“The pack that I was with helped me with that. They didn’t trust me in the beginning, of course, but they could have thrown me away and they didn’t. They said I was one of theirs and pack meant family. They were... so different from the Shadowhunters. People hugged all the time and weren’t afraid to say what they meant and to ask for help when they needed. Feelings weren’t seen as a burden, but as the thing that kept you human.”

Luke lost himself in another moment. “I stayed with them for several months until Jocelyn stole the Cup and we ran away together. I was already in America when I was able to get in touch with them to say I wasn’t going back. I didn’t think they would care that much; they had treated me as pack but I’d seen that as responsibility and not want. But they did and I still get phone calls and postcards and I visit them and they visit me because they’re still my family.”

“So what you’re saying is that I should become a werewolf?” Jace asked, going for a laughing tone but knowing he’d come out short.

Luke shook his head, and at that moment Jace could see the dad in him. “No, you just have to take Valentine’s power away. And I don’t mean kill him; I mean take his words’ away. That’s what everyone needs to do. The Clave only took Valentine seriously when he started killing Shadowhunters and they’re only taking him seriously now because he’s creating new Shadowhunters and they’re afraid he’ll come for them, which he will.”

Jace didn’t know how to answer, but he could see Luke’s point.

“Maryse and Robert never taught us to hate Downworlders. They taught us to distrust them and to keep our distance, but never to hate them. Even... even Valentine didn’t teach me that growing up, thought I don’t know why.”

Luke shrugged, also not having an answer, though Jace had a feeling he had some theories on that. Another time he’d ask.

“I... I guess I see what you meant. Before. Sure, Simon is nice, if annoying, but not all vampires are. You are too, but not all werewolves and Magnus... I like him, but there’s still a part of my brain that’s afraid that one day he’ll just lose control of his powers and kill us all.”

“You have to control your fear. And more importantly, understand that we have that fear too. You’ve seen Simon, he’s always making sure he’s eaten before he comes near any of you; he’s trying his hardest to train, to make sure he doesn’t kill anyone. It took me a long time to be able to transform without getting the urge to just go after anyone that upset me. We’re part demon, but we’re part human just as you are. That should bring us closer, not further apart.”

Jace nodded and Luke cracked his back. “Well, I think it’s time for me to go. We have another meeting tomorrow... Exciting,” Luke sent him a mocking smile and Jace laughed in response, thought it was short.

“Don’t go too hard on yourself, Jace. The simple fact that you’re thinking about this shows you’re a better man than Valentine.”

Luke squeezed his shoulder, put the stick back in its place and then left. Jace saw him walk towards Jocelyn, who had been watching them, perhaps since the beginning, he had no idea. Luke put an arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. They talked in whispers and he could see Jocelyn looking his way.

He looked away, but thought that maybe tomorrow he could have a talk with her. For now, he was going to look for Izzy and Alec and see if they wanted to go out for dinner, maybe have Meliorn, Magnus and even Clary and Simon join them.

It was time for things to change.

 


End file.
